I always had the perfect idea of family in my head, ever
since I can remember. I had a husband, and five children, two biological, and 3
adopted, usually from all different countries. Adoption always just seemed like
part of the plan. So I never really understood why people kept choosing to do
really expensive and invasive fertility treatments. Weren’t they going too far?
Why can’t they just adopt?
9 Months after my beautiful, wonderful surprise of a
daughter was born, I was ready for another baby. (My mind must have been very addled,
since pregnancy was not exactly easy for me) I thought that since my daughter happened when
we weren’t trying, this would be easy. This, among many other things I have
thought, was wrong. It wasn’t easy, and each month when that time came that I
knew yet again I wasn’t pregnant, it was heartbreaking. And although I still
wanted to adopt, for the very first time I really felt that need/longing/brokenness
of not being able to conceive again. I understood why people go to the ends of
the earth, and honestly I can’t blame them. 9 months later, when we finally
changed our plan to adoption first, then trying again, I got pregnant with our
second (and very last biological) child, my son. I have watched people go
through years of struggles and infertility, so I can’t in any way say I truly
understand, but for those 9 months I got a glimpse into what many people are in
the middle of for years.
We are still in our own struggle to complete our family, due to health reasons we can't adopt yet, and the waiting can be excruciating.
To those of you struggling with infertility, I will not ever
again judge you, and please accept my apology for doing so, even in just my
thoughts. I pray that you will have encouragement, hope, and faith, and that
your family will be complete some day, just as I pray mine will be too.
